Rain Rain Go Away...

When we started this adoption journey, I was incredibly envious of all the tight knit DTC groups out there. There STILL aren't any DTV groups, really- at least none that do any sort of exchanges or swaps. (Why is this? there are more than enough people on that DTV list to start gift exchanges...) So I begged my way into a February 2006 DTC group so I would have other lovely people to go through my adoption with. I signed up for the Secret Pal swap, and wound up getting an amazing partner. She's SO generous and kind and creative. Look what she sent this month! Okay, it doesn't rain much (well, AT ALL) in Florida in April, but it does rain all summer. So I absolutely love everything, and I know Cupcake will, too. I can't wait to get those boots on her feet! ;) So thank you, my dear, for getting us equipped for the summer! Hopefully Cupcake will be home soon enough to be able to get a lot of good use of her new goodies this summer!

zippity doo dah!

The photos came, the photos came! They arrived this morning- what a GREAT way to wake up! I am so excited to see my Cupcake, even though she looks a little sad and it breaks my heart into a million pieces. I'm trying to remind myself that they most likely woke her up and put on a beautiful little outfit to take the photos in, and that would cause anyone to be a little cranky. I mean, it usually takes me a while to get out of my pajamas. But I am desperate to see her smile... As always, email me so I can show you the pics! [Shana, you are weirdly psychic!!]

return and exchange

Yesterday was SUCH a long day- we went ahead and returned most of the clothes we bought for Cupcake and got a larger size. Instead of 6-9 months, we got 9 months-18 months. We now officially have too many clothes for her, but oh well. The ironic thing is that since we bought the clothes a few months ago (at full price, and had the receipts), they have since gone on sale, so we wound up getting the replacements for less. So we got a few more... Oh well. Unfotunately, some of my favorite outfits were no longer available. It's weird how my tastes have changed- originally I loved Children's Place and Carter's best, but this time it was Osh Kosh and less so Carter's. We didn't get anything at Children's place but a little pink coat and a credit on our card. We still need shoes, though. Shoes are hard- I want to get some Robeez, but I have no idea what size she is otherwise. That I might wait for. After hitting the outlets, we went to Babys R Us and got the second batch of baby stuff. This time it was highchairs, swings, and more toys, plus I swapped out the original baby monitors for the Angel Care ones Erin told me about. The financial damage wasn't that bad this time, but I'm sure there is more to come. Now we just need the house to be done so I can get into the nursery and start putting it all together. I think that's the hardest part- we have all this stuff, and we can't do anything with it. Soon, soon.

fabulous news

My friend Nicole just accepted her referral of a BEAUTIFUL 18 month old girl from Danang- she's in the same orphanage (and has almost the same name!) as Cupcake. Go congratulate her and ask to see some photos. *squeeeeee* Happiness!!

Message to universe and phone, part two

Dear God, Universe, Internet and/or Phone: Thank you so much for our amazing Cupcake. She is all we can think about and talk about and we are so excited to be able to share in her life. However, it would be so incredibly lovely if you could expedite the process of getting us her updated photos and (possibly) extra information about her. The agency most likely has all of these things, but is sorting through them for all their families. Please lend them a hand, and gently remind them that WE ARE GOING ABSOLUTELY INSANE WAITING! Love always, Chel

housekeeping...

In the last month or so I have been saving every email I wanted to answer in a mail file called "answer this!" I thought it would make my emailing more efficient, but all it did was make it a lot easier to procrastinate. So today one of my huge goals is to go through that file and answer those emails. I promise I was not blowing you off, I was just avoiding having to sit down and focus for more than a minute. I'm having a REALLY hard time doing that lately. I'm going to try and make up for it in the next few days. Also, good news on the house: instead of "one month" we heard yesterday they estimate it will be three weeks until we can move in! I am very excited now. That means maybe we'll actually be able to move into the house this summer! News from adoption agency: The facilitator took a tremendous amount of photos while he was in Vietnam of all the babies who are waiting to come home, so he's going through his photos and emailing them to families with documents and information, etc. So if he took pictures of Cupcake while he was in Vietnam, we will receive them when he gets around to downloading them. *phew* I'm starting a Lifebook/Scrapbook for Cupcake. I have never done scrapbooking before. Can anyone give me tips on what to buy, essentials, good sites, etc.?

big retail therapy for tiny person

On the current episode of Days of our Adoption: the facilitator from our agency just returned from a trip to Vietnam, and there's hints that he might have updated photos of Cupcake and some more information on her in his suitcase. I am trying not to get antsy and insufferable about it, but as the day has gone on, I'm jumping every time the phone rings or I get an email. I can't focus on anything. I am trying to send brain waves for him to rest up, rejuvenate, and UNPACK AND CALL ME! I am so excited at the idea of seeing more photos of Miss Cupcake. Maybe she'll be smiling a big gummy grin in one! I wanted to call the agency today and tell them that I want to see EVERY PICTURE even if she's out of focus or screaming or pooping or whatever. But I didn't. I guess they know that. Next stage? More waiting. Our paperwork is in Vietnam, being processed, and all we can do is sit and wait for them to let us know when we can travel for Cupcake. They give us a two week advance warning, which is fine- we're all on high alert. Tom needs to go get his vaccines, though. I need to make a decision on travel, although it looks like if travel is in the next month or two, I will HAVE to stay home so I can move us into the house. That's not something I want to do right after Cupcake arrives and/or we just get back from Vietnam. Oh, I wanted to thank everyone for their suggestions as far as baby stuff goes. I made a list with notes and everyones ideas, and was able to purchase most of it. Let me tell you, this baby stuff is expensive. Babies R Us is ALL BABY MERCHANDISE, did you know that? I'm so used to stores having one or two aisles of the things I am interested in, but besides the boy's clothing, there were things of interest in every single aisle. I should have known we were in trouble when we spent a half hour debating baby monitors and bottles. The total was less than I expected when she rang it up, but more than I expected when we first walked into the store (truly believing we'd only be in the first three aisles). A big reason for the $$ is that we had to get two of a lot of things- bottles, diaper genie, baby tub for sink, pack n' play/portable crib, changing table pad, odds and ends.... my parents plan on keeping the baby once or twice a week at their place and we don't want to lug things back and forth, especially if they take her for an afternoon or whatever. Crib, dresser, storage bench, bedding is coming via online. We still have to get a highchair and more bottles, plus some stroller toys. I also need stuff to babyproof the house. I know there's a common belief that just leaving the bottom cabinets bare, or not putting dangerous stuff in them is more than enough, but I am not comfortable with that. I have a friend whose neighbor unknowingly put a bottle of some cleanser (with bleach) into a low cabinet and he drank it, burning his vocal chords, and having to talk in a whisper his entire life. Rather safe than sorry. I'll be interested to see how sleeping works out. I'm planning on keeping the crib in my room for a while if she needs it. I know most of you guys are co-sleepers, but for various reasons (which are very important to both of us), Tom and I will not be co-sleeping and so we need to figure out an alternate plan depending on what the baby needs from us. [Must.Stop.Eating.Chocolate.Graham.Crackers.] Going to go and stare at the phone, and pick it up several times to see if it's working.

i dunno...

I changed the layout a bit. This was one of my first times monkeying with CSS rather than letting the software do it, so I have no idea what I messed up and what is broken, etc. Lemme know if there are any oddities- I'm on a Mac using Safari, so please let me know which browser/OS you are using and what sort of problems you might notice!

what to get

Tomorrow is the big trip to Babies R Us for essentials- is there anything you couldn't live without when your baby was first home or around 6-9 months old??

hindsight is 20/20, sorta

A few people have asked me if my opinion on Umbrella agencies has changed now that I'm further into the adoption and have switched agencies. (For those not doing a Vietnam adoption, "Umbrella"-ing is when an agency receives their license to work in Vietnam and shares that license with several other agencies. Vietnam does know when this is happening, and still approves the license. All adoptions go through the agency with the license.) Our current agency is not sharing their license with anyone, so make of that what you will. A few months ago, I was pretty vocal about my opinion on umbrella agencies. I truly believed that if Vietnam approved of agencies sharing their licenses, and protective measures were being taken on the Vietnam end of things, agencies sharing a license must be okay. The big argument on APV was that is WASN'T ethical for the CHILD. I still believe that as far as the children are concerned, Umbrella agencies are fine. As long as the parent agency is working with a reputable orphanage and the Vietnam government, it's ethical- for the child. However, I'm not quite sure if I feel it's so ethical on the prospective adoptive parent side of things. The one thing I learned from our personal experience is that you get information third or forth hand, and like the old "telephone" game, it gets garbled, or slightly changed, as it passes from person to person. This is fine for some things, but not an adoption. After a while you have no idea if you are hearing the truth or just what the agency thinks you want to hear. You start doubting EVERYTHING, and worrying if you are doing the right thing, if your child will ever come. For us, we felt like we completely lost control of the situation - we were depending on our agency and coordinator to represent us to the parent agency and remind them that we were still out there, waiting. We were depending on the coordinator to tell us what she knew, and to get us answers to our questions in a reasonable time frame. We were depending on the coordinator to fight for us, to determine that certain situations were unacceptable and try and find a solution for us. For us, complete dependence on someone who is depending on someone ELSE for information was too much. It wasn't something we were comfortable with. I think if you have someone that kicks a lot of ass at your agency, someone who will fight for you tooth and nail and always be in touch with information, it might work out okay. I think at this point my position on Vietnam adoption is this- with so many agencies licensed and giving out healthy referrals, why would anyone who is ready to go forward with his/her adoption stay with an agency that is unlicensed and/or umbrella-ed? We started before any agencies were licensed, so we were hopeful our agency would be immediately licensed and everything would go as promised. And I think, ultimately, everything worked out so perfectly- if we had switched any earlier, we would not have been referred our Grace, who is my moon and stars. But if I were starting today, or in a position where I was ready with my I171 and waiting for news, there's no way I would delay or put my faith in anyone's promises. This isn't about friendship and being loyal, and I learned that the hard way. It's about paying a professional organization to assist you in locating and adopting a child. They may have helped you with an adoption before, or seem like the nicest people you have ever met, but ultimately they are not your friends or doing you a favor- they are the people who you have contracted to help you locate and bring your child home. Think of it this way: say you had a child who wasn't feeling well. If your normal doctor was a family friend and you found out there was another doctor a few doors down who could help your child in a more efficient, more helpful way, would you hesitate to bring your child to see that other doctor? Certain things take precedence over patience and loyalty and I have learned that the need to find my child and bring her home is one of those things. (Oh, and before signing with any agency, ask them how many adoptions IN VIETNAM they personally have completed. That will tell you a lot, too...)

days go by

Lately, I have been noticing that everyone has been sort of celebrating adoption anniversaries. To me, nothing was "official" until the paperchase started, which was this past December. So I keep thinking things have been moving along. But when I started thinking about it, I realized that's not accurate. I mean, couples who are trying to conceive don't start marking time when they get a positive on the pregnancy test- they start from the day they begin the process. In hindsight, we're well beyond two years into our adoption. We started seriously planning and researching for adopting from China in 2004, but because of my age, T. and I not being married long enough, and not having the house built, we were forced to defer. Vietnam was not an option then. But we looked at agencies and talked and talked and planned and planned and hoped and hoped. So it's been a long time coming, and this certainly is something we've been talking about and anticipating for years. According to our agency, our paperwork is now in Vietnam. We are anxiously awaiting the receipt that lets us know that someone in that government center has seen our papers and put them in a pile to be processed. So while we wait, we shop. Well, I shop. Tom just marvels over what I am buying. I've started buying toys. My favorite so far is the Discover Sounds Kitchen by Little Tikes. I was expecting a Barbie-sized kitchen, but what arrived is this toddler-sized set of fun. For some reason, I think it resembles a DJ mixing station more than a kitchen. The two little "burners" on the stove play techno music and make different sound effects depending on which way they are slid. It's pretty cool. If Cupcake doesn't like it, I'll keep it for myself. I've also been buying lots of 12-18 month clothes. We are hoping for an update on Cupcake's weight next week, but at SOME point she'll need 12-18 month clothes so that's what I keep telling myself to justify the shopping. I have discovered Gymboree which is incredibly dangerous. I always thought Gymboree was some Jazzercise thing for kids, so I was picturing sportswear and legwarmers and leotards, but they have very cool clothes. It's funny, because I always thought I'd dress my daughter in very comfy, unisex, natural-fibers/colors type clothing, but I can't resist the beautiful florals and dresses. I am a bit surprised by it, but as I have not yet purchased any sort of hair bow that is applied with GLUE or TAPE or white tights, I think I'm okay. I know some people love white tights on baby girls, but all I can think of is how they must be sagging down by the diaper and itching. Why subject a kid to pantyhose?! Finally, we decided on the colors/theme of Cupcake's room. I tried to get into girly-girl, but I kept resisting it. My favorite colors are ocean colors- teal and aqua - so when I saw PBKids "Ocean Critters" stuff that was it. My mom is an artist (she studied textile design and was employed by Bloomingdales back in the early 60's before she gave it up to get married) and she is good friends with a muralist, so they are going to take elements from the sheets and stuff and paint them on the walls. Some of the octopus and starfish and turtles will have bows on their heads. The builders keep telling us "one more month" on the house. They have been telling us that for months, so at this point I am wondering exactly what calendar they are using in that builder's office. At this point, I am itching to move in and get Cupcake's room going. Until then, I shop. And dream. And look at Cupcake's face and hope she's okay.

16 pound Cupcake

Oh, I forgot to mention- when we got Cupcake's health report, we were shocked to find out that Cupcake weighs 16 pounds!. That's in the 98th percentile for an AMERICAN baby at five months, and therefore makes her the biggest Vietnamese baby girl in all of history. It also means we will be returning everything we bought her. We had an adoption doctor look over all her records and blood tests before we accepted the referral, and the doctor noted the high weight and told us she doubts that Cupcake weighs that much. I freaked out until the doctor told us it's a very common thing for the measurements, etc. to get mixed up during the medical exams in the orphanages. We called the agency anyway, and they said their main concern is getting teh right photo with the right birth certificate and blood tests- the rest is secondary. One other baby examined on the same day had identical measurements, so it looks like there's where the mixup happened. So I'm trying not to freak out about the possibly wrong weight and height. I mean, Cupcake could be 4 feet tall and 200 pounds and I would be fine with it. As long as Cupcake is the little face in the photo, that's all that matters. Regardless, I better get a REALLY sturdy sling/carrier.

D(sort of on its way)TV

Well, our dossier is complete- everything was notarized, certified, and Fed Exxed to our agency. Now we wait for the message that it arrived at the Vietnamese Government and they (hopefully) begin processing it. No new information on Cupcake. We have heard we might be able to get some news/photos from the current agency trip, but as much as I would love to see and hear more about her, it's okay if it doesn't happen. I'm still very delicately holding on to the idea of having received and accepted a referral, and this adoption is happening. I'm not ready to fully claim it- I'm too scared. Terrified, actually. It seems so fragile and unreal. I tiptoe around it, the idea of it. But I have shown her pictures to anyone who cares to see them- I carry them with me constantly, and proudly show them off. Mention "baby", "infant", or "adoption" to me, and I whip out the photos with a big stupid grin. I'm sort of concerned for a lot of my friends who are adopting right now- many of them are switching agencies (which I think is a really good thing, especially if it makes THEM feel better and it makes their adoption go faster) but many of them have to stay with their current agencies for one reason or another. I think a lot of the agencies haven't developed their programs as fast as they hoped, and a lot of families were able to get their papers ready FASTER than anyone expected. I constantly hope and pray that all the agencies with waiting families get licensed, and my friends' children can come home soon. I'm also hoping that the China program speeds up soon- the slow down has been horrible to watch and hear about, and I can only imagine how the DTC families are doing right now. I hope the time zips by, or things speed up. This is heartbreaking stuff, adoption. But also a complete joy- goes from one extreme to the other.

Once Upon a Time....

I just realized what today's date is- this is **not** an April Fool's joke!! So I have a story to tell you. One upon a time there was a woman and a man who were adopting a baby from Vietnam. They signed with an agency and a few months later, they decided things weren't going their way and decided to change agencies. A few days after signing with the new agency, they were told that their new agency was "working for them" and that they would "hear back soon". They assumed this meant that their new agency was getting together all the new documents that they needed to fill out and sign. They were happy because although they were behind from having to switch agencies, they finally felt confident that they were going in the right direction. They began filling out forms and working on various things, at peace because they knew things might take a while and they finally trusted in the process. One night this couple was sitting down and eating Macaroni and Cheese, and the wife decided to check her email. In it was an email from the new agency with photos of The Most Beautiful Baby Girl EVER, and a note saying "here is the baby girl we talked about. Please review the photos and let me know how you feel." The wife asked her husband if he had an exchange about a specific baby with the agency. He said no, so the wife assumed the email was not meant for her and her husband, and sent it back to the agency with a note stating so. The husband called the agency and left a message stating the same thing. The husband and wife ooohed and aahed over the photos, wondering if maybe one of the children in the background was theirs, and happy that the babies looked so well cared for. A few moments later, the phone rang. The husband answered while the wife stared at him with huge eyes. The voice on the other end confirmed it- The email was indeed intended for them. The couple had received their much anticipated referral, and finally knew what their Cupcake looked like. ------ We got our referral, and she is BEAUTIFUL and chubby and amazing and sweet. She looks very well cared for and very comfortable. We are so very blessed to have been matched with this amazing baby girl. She's 5 months old and from DaNang. Her name is Quynh, which will become her middle name. I proudly introduce Grace Quynh. Our agency requests that we not post photos of our daughter in any public place to protect her privacy, so if you want to see her, you have to email me. I couldn't resist posting some little peaks, though. We just sent in the official "acceptance of referral" documents today after receiving her medicals, birth certificate, and blood tests. There's no definite date on travel. We have to finish our dossier, get it authenticated and translated, and sent to Vietnam. The sooner we do this (and trust me, we are working FEVERISHLY to get it complete), the sooner we will be given travel permission. Vietnam now only requires one trip to adopt, so hopefully she will be home VERY very soon. More soon- I promise.