dispatch

Exhausted. Enthralled. Will write more soon, as soon as I get used to being someone's mom. This is all so new and unexpected, this little new person who thinks by herself and makes decisions and has needs that only her dad and I can take care of. This little girl who practically gives herself whiplash turning her head so fast when we say her name. This little girl who is amazing and funny and sweet and perfect. Who smells like sunshine and happiness. Who feeds me Cheerios and then tries to take them back. Who loves cookies and all sorts of food and being hugged and held up in the air for "airplane" rides. Who loves to be loved, and gives back love so freely. I'll be honest- I'm NOT enjoying the lack of sleep, of the feeling of sleepwalking through parts of the day. The fact that she gets herself into a screaming crying panting frenzy when she's frustrated or needs something or if she wants to be picked up and we just CAN'T because we are peeing or taking boiling water off the stove for dinner or getting a bottle ready. The fact that we can't make those times any easier for her. The feeling like I am depriving her of so much by not being 100% all the time. (The overloaded diapers also take a lot of getting used to.) But I'm learning every second of every day. And am so grateful to her that she still smiles and appears to like me even though I'm bumbling quite a bit with this whole "mom" thing. p.s. got my camera back from the kind soul who foudn it at the airport. Will take and photos photos and videos soon.